p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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