Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
