I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
