I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
