Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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