Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
