I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
