My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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