TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
