I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My vagina is very pro this idea
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
