So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
