the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
