the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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