Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
