you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
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Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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