I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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