No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
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It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.