Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I could make wine with my vomit
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
