I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad