dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
