**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
