I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
