I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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