it wasn't lemon gatorade
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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