you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
