Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
