When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
