My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
