Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
