omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
