Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
