I skipped work to stalk him.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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