I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
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She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
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He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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