Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
