I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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