I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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