Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's not a walk of shame if you run
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
