Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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