sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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