So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
