If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
