The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Randomize
