saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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