True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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