marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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