You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize