Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
