we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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