this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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