I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
