She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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