don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
