i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
