I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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