it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
