I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
