im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I bet he comes in French.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
