Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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