it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
