her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Can Purell be used as lube?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
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He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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