How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
