I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
