my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
