Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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