I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
