OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
