he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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